Let’s look at an imaginary but all-too-real scenario. You caught your teenager sneaking out of the house and, as a result, have confiscated their cell phone.

You’ve done everything a sensible parent can do, like reminding your adolescent why you need to know their whereabouts and that their safety is priority. You’ve hit them right where it hurts, in that pocket-sized source of digital entertainment and social interaction so beloved by teens. But rather than showing remorse, your troubled teen says  “I don’t care.”

What’s a mom or dad to do in the face of such apparent apathy? The answer is to keep calm and parent on.

A peaceful, understanding, and compassionate approach is necessary to help walk your teenager to positive growth.

Don’t Take Your Teen At Their Literal Word

Adolescence is characterized by a tumultuous push-pull. While your maturing child still needs guidance, they crave an increasing amount of independence. So it stings teens when they’re admonished or grounded because it makes them feel powerless.

While your kid may care very much about the fact they’re in trouble, saying “I don’t care” is a strategy to take back that lost power. It’s a way of saying, “You can’t hurt me.” In fact, it’s a pretty classic method for teens to reassert their sovereignty. Looking back on your younger years, you may well recall uttering a similar “So what?” to your own parents.

If your child presents an impassive front, remember it’s a defense mechanism and not truly how your teen feels. You may consider responding in a way that’s emotionally neutral. An effective response could be “That’s fine, but if you want to use your cell phone you need to obey our rules.” This will ensure you don’t add fuel to the fire and that the grounds for harmonic convergence will be created.

Make Sure Depression Isn’t At Play

If your teen’s insistence that they don’t care is part of an ongoing trend, you might want to take a closer look. Showing a lack of interest in everything, including pursuits that were once enjoyed, can be one of the symptoms of teen depression. Remember, too, that depression can be silent.

Given suicide is the third leading cause of death among US teens, potential depression is significant cause for concern. You may want to talk to your child or have them see a therapist to determine if they are experiencing a mental health issue. You should be especially vigilant if your teen is taking a medication that’s been associated with suicidal thoughts and actions among young people.

Hearing “I don’t care,” – a phrase that’s almost synonymous with the word teenagers, isn’t necessarily cause for alarm. If you’re worried about your troubled teen’s state of mind, though, it’s better to be safe than sorry. So, taking the time to assess their mental health is essential for learning how to best discipline your teen.

Focus On Behavioral Changes, Not Emotional Ones

It’s hard to keep frustration in check when a noncompliant child seems unfazed by discipline. It can be helpful, however, to remember the reason you created consequences for breaking household rules.

Strategies to help you focus on your teen’s behavioral changes:

• Noticing patterns: Observe your teens actions, reactions, and interactions with others over time. 
• Focus: Keep your attention on specific behaviors such as communication, respect, and problem-solving that you want to touch base and regulate with your teen.
• Be an example: Model how you would like for your teen to be with your own behavior. You are one of your teens biggest influences, so it only makes sense that they’ll mimic the way you respond to scenarios. 

Let’s say you have a rule that your teen must speak respectfully to their siblings, otherwise they’ll lose access to a favorite video game. Your adolescent may not care about how rudeness affects their siblings or parents. What they’ll likely care about, though, is the fact they can’t play their game. So, it’s key to focus on a consequence tailored to your teen that will be effective.

Through using these proactive strategies listed above, and focusing on behavioral changes rather than emotional ones, you ensure that your teen has a supportive environment to be held in.

Use Positive Reinforcement

Recognize and commend your teen for their positive behaviors when they do exhibit them. If you notice them achieving good grades, coming home by the set curfew time, or practicing respectful communication, make sure to verbally acknowledge this or surprise them with a meaningful gift.

Doing so will encourage your teen to continue to behave in a positive manner, and will make your life easier in the long run.

For more tips on how to positively encourage your teen, you can check out this virtual academy online.

Keep Consequences Reasonable

When it comes to how to discipline a teen that doesn’t care, remember it’s important to be crystal clear with the rules and consequences of their behavior. This way, your teen knows what to expect and isn’t left in the dark.

It’s a balance between addressing the problematic behavior while maintaining a supportive relationship with your teen at the same time – never punish your child when you are angry, as good judgment isn’t the best when emotions are heightened.

Also, be willing to adjust punishments in relation to your teens’ response. You may want to lighten the punishment, or make it more severe, depending on their reaction to whatever it is that arises.

It’s advisable to not take away your child’s once in a lifetime opportunity to celebrate unforgettable milestones. For example, if you ban your child from attending prom, they’re more likely to cherish a lifelong bitterness about the missed opportunity rather than learn a lesson.

If it helps any, you can keep a journal of problematic instances with your teen and record them to see their progress and to help identify patterns over time.

Involvement in Extracurricular Activities

It’s been found that involvement in extracurricular activities helps troubled teens be more engaged in school and able to more easily manage stress. So, it’s not advisable to punish your kid by refusing to let them participate in sports, theater or other after-school pursuits, as this could only make matters worse.

Open Communication

If you’re faced with how to discipline a teen that doesn’t care, it’s key to remember to encourage them to express what’s on their mind – general feelings and concerns they may have. So much goes on in the day to day of a teen, whether it be at school, in their after-school extracurricular activities, or their social life. Coming from a place of genuine understanding is essential to getting on the same page as your teen. This can include asking open-ended questions and actively listening to what they say.

Reach Out If You Need Further Help

If none of the above advice is working for you, you may want to consider an alternate option, like reaching out for help. Though it’s not always the preferred route of most people, it’s important to ask for help when you need it, as it can provide different perspectives and insights.

Is your adolescent undeterred by discipline and exhibiting behavior that threatens to wreck their future? Does their “I don’t care” attitude point to deep-seated issues? If your adolescent is in crisis and you feel like you’re in over your head, consider sending them to a residential treatment center or therapeutic boarding school for troubled teens. These offer a safe harbor where youths can untangle the issues holding them back while receiving the supervision, therapy and academic support they need to move forward to a brighter future.

You can also contact  Help Your Teen Now for professional advice on which program might best help your child. 

Conclusion

In conclusion, knowing how to discipline a teen that doesn’t care is vital for your teens personal growth and development. Through using effective discipline techniques such as open communication, positive reinforcement, and emphasizing behavioral changes, parents can be the lighthouse for helping their teen thrive by encouraging them to make the right choices as they enter into adulthood. The path may seem daunting, but you’ve got this!