Parenting a teenager can feel like an uphill battle at times. The moodiness, angst, and withdrawal from family life can test any parent’s patience. It’s normal to worry about how our kids will handle the pressures of adolescence and prepare for adulthood.

While we can’t completely shield teens from life’s stresses, we can empower them to become more resilient through positive parenting techniques. Resilience is a critical character trait for your teen to develop, as it will help them to avoid unpleasant situations and to succeed in difficult pursuits in life. 

This article will share tips to nurture strength and coping skills in your adolescent, setting them up for success later in life.

Many of us immediately think of punishment when our teens misbehave. But reacting punitively often harms our relationship with them. Instead, focus on fostering the roots of resilience—connection, independence, coping strategies, and a growth mindset. With some intentional parenting choices, you can help your teen develop the resilience to tackle developmental challenges and thrive.

Building Strong Relationships

The foundation of resilience is a strong relationship between parent and child. Make connecting with your teen a priority with these tips:

• Show interest in their life. Attend their activities and events when possible. Ask about their friends, interests, and feelings. Actively listen without judgment.
• Maintain open, honest communication. Have regular conversations about life. Encourage questions and be truthful in your answers.
• Validate their feelings. Mood swings and emotional sensitivity peak during adolescence. Don’t belittle or dismiss their struggles. Empathize and help them find healthy ways to express emotions.
• Offer unconditional love and support. Teens need to know you’re in their corner, especially when they make mistakes. Withdrawal of affection harms resilience.
• Respect their growing autonomy. Avoid being overly controlling. Let them have some privacy, make more choices, and participate in decision-making.
• Spend quality one-on-one time together. Do shared activities you both enjoy to continue building close bonds.

Promoting Independence

Part of positive parenting is gradually allowing more independence as your teen matures. If your teen gains more independence, they can become more sure of themselves and assertive, which both help in cultivating resilience.

Here’s how to promote healthy self-reliance:

• Give them the freedom to make more choices over time regarding clothes, hairstyles, hobbies, and other preferences. Let them take reasonable risks.
• Assign chores and responsibilities at home. Contributing to the household builds competence and confidence.
• Don’t be overprotective. Let them problem-solve more on their own before jumping in. Let them learn from natural consequences when possible.
• Encourage passions and support participation in sports, arts, clubs, and other activities they enjoy. Peer interaction helps development.
• Check-in reasonably on their activities, but don’t hover constantly. Balance supervision with freedom.
• Allow mistakes. Don’t try to rescue them from every consequence. Failures help build coping skills when handled positively.

Teaching Coping Skills

Life will continue throwing curveballs at our teens. Bolster their resilience by teaching positive coping strategies. A positive coping strategy is a way of handling hard times without causing harm to themselves, their relationships or the people around them. Here are some good coping skills to teach your teen:

• Model healthy ways you handle stress, conflicts, and adversity. Kids learn from our example.
• Build their toolbox of coping skills – exercise, music, talking to supportive friends or family, humor. Have them identify go-to coping mechanisms.
• Encourage creative expression through art, music, journaling, and poetry to process emotions in a healthy way.
• Practice relaxation techniques like deep breathing, visualization, and meditation to activate the relaxation response.
• Role play handling conflicts and peer pressure. Brainstorm responses and solutions.
• If anxiety or depression persist, consider counseling so a therapist can teach cognitive restructuring techniques.

Fostering Growth Mindset

Teens with a fixed mindset believe their abilities and talents are set in stone. With a growth mindset, they see room for improvement with effort. To nurture a growth mindset in your teen, implement some of the following strategies:

• Praise effort and sound strategies, not just talent. For example, “Your practice is really paying off!” rather than “You’re so gifted!”
• Reinforce that intelligence and abilities can be developed over time, not fixed at birth. Encourage a “can do” attitude.
• Don’t allow them to give up easily when challenged. Ask leading questions to reframe difficulties as growth opportunities rather than prove they can’t do it.
• Be a role model. Talk about your own setbacks and efforts to persist despite obstacles. Show grit in action.
• Celebrate small wins and incremental progress on the way to bigger goals. Don’t wait for ultimate success to express pride.
• Help reframe failures as valuable lessons. Emphasize that missteps teach us how to do better next time.

The teen years usher in many physical, emotional, and social changes. Your child needs support and guidance to navigate them with resilience—the ability to bounce back and grow stronger. 

By focusing on your relationship, promoting independence, teaching coping strategies, and fostering a growth mindset, you can set your teen up to handle adversity and thrive well beyond their adolescence. With your help, they’ll gain the strength and life skills to flourish as capable adults.