14 Things Your Pre-Teen and Teen Girls Need To Know About Sex

14 Things Your Pre-Teen and Teen Girls Need To Know About Sex

The sex talk is a tricky one. It seems that youth are exploring their sexuality at much younger ages these days. Even if your child isn’t so curious right now, she is guaranteed to hear about it from her friends. So, as we’re forced to bring up the topic at home – to provide the right information as opposed to what she is hearing from her peers – there are 14 incredibly important things you should be teaching your daughter as she enters the world of dating, hand holding, kissing, social pressure, and raging hormones.

This list is long. Every topic could warrant a separate conversation and we recommend doing just that… make this conversation a regular topic at home. Find opportunities to talk to your daughter about her body, her mind, her feelings, and especially how to be safe.

1. Remind Her of Your Family’s Values

With sex so prevalent everywhere in our society, your family values and traditions are more important than they’ve ever been. She should learn her values from you – her parent – after your years of mistakes, regrets, and triumphs. If she isn’t hearing from YOU, she IS hearing from someone else like tv, friends at school, and other forms of commercialized media.

If your family strongly believes in practicing abstinence, make sure your daughter understands WHY you choose to do so. Share your experiences to connect with her on a relatable level rather than just proclaiming “NO”. Regardless of your standpoint, get on her level and help her to know WHY you have the values you do. There are a number of positive attributes that stem from strong family values, they promote honesty and integrity, encourage respect for yourself and others, and they require accountability and responsibility for your actions.

2. Teach Her a Little Biology

Maybe the only knowledge your daughter has about sex is what she’s seen on TV or heard about in school. Make sure that you take the time to properly educate your daughter about what sex is – and what it results in. Although this may be awkward, you want to rest assured knowing that your child has all of the facts: how it happens, why it happens, and how easily mistakes or babies can be made.

3. Reputation Matters

bullied girlRegardless of whether or not she is sexually active, or how sexually experienced she is (or isn’t), other people will always have an opinion. Help your daughter understand this. Being sexually active while being open about it or being active with boys that don’t respect her can lead to a lot of gossip. It isn’t fair and it shouldn’t be anyone’s business, but it happens. As much as we’d like to be strong, independent women who can brush off the snide remarks made by the mean girls at school, it’s still incredibly painful to be talked about – especially when it’s such a vulnerable topic. Stress the importance of not allowing anyone to pressure your daughter into doing something she’s not ready for and encourage her to find friends with similar standards who don’t label her by her actions.

4. Sexually Transmitted Diseases

Acquiring an STD is very easy and can be life-altering. Your child needs to know the severity of these diseases because it isn’t common knowledge. Show her proof. She should know that one in 4 sexually active people have chlamydia and that it spreads faster than any STD. She also needs to know that it’s curable, but other easily transmitted diseases that are also just as common stick with you for life and cause a lot of discomfort and embarrassment when you start new romantic relationships. Don’t forget to help her understand the ways in which she can prevent the spread of these diseases…

5. Protection Against Disease

After going over the various STDs, your daughter will be grateful to learn about different protection methods. Stress that unless you are in a trusted, monogamous relationship it is imperative to wear a condom as it is the best protection against STDs.

6. …The Other Reason for Protection

pregnant teenIt’s important that parents teach their daughters about birth control as well. Protection against sexually transmitted disease is import but so is protecting your teens future when it comes to unwanted pregnancies. Too often, girls are taught that abstinence is the only acceptable form of birth control – teach her about birth control anyway. If your teen chooses to be sexually active, she probably won’t tell you about it. Help her to be smart and use a reliable form of birth control. Teen pregnancy or any unplanned pregnancy can be incredibly stressful and most definitely life altering. Not only can you help her to make smart decisions about birth control, you can help her avoid other emotionally trying circumstances such as having an abortion.

7. Sex Requires Emotional Maturity

Engaging in sexual intercourse is physically the closest you can get to another person. The emotions associated with that bond are incredibly intense and many young girls (even adults) don’t understand the impact of such intimacy. Teach her that having sex can lead to attachments to boys she wouldn’t ordinarily be so attached to. It can cloud your judgement when making relationship choices and it can increase heart ache when relationships don’t work out.

8. Consent: No means no.

Consent is when both partners agree to engage in sexual activity and is something that must be given before each sexual encounter. Your daughter should never feel pressured or obligated to have sex with someone, even if she previously consented, it is always ok to say no. Stress this! Even if she said yes, she can stop at any point, regardless of the pressure she might feel. This is important because every women will face this pressure in her lifetime. Teach your daughter that she owes her body to no one.

9. Avoid Confusion and Know What is Sexual Abuse

Although you hope that you’re daughter will never have to experience sexual abuse, it is vital that you explain to her what it is. Women face unsolicited sexual attention almost daily depending on your environment. It’s easy to brush it off as just an annoyance when it comes in the form of comments. But it can quickly progress, or come all at once, as someone touches you in a way that makes you question their intentions. It is also necessary to go over various ways that your daughter can protect herself against a predator and to always seek help, knowing where she can go for safety and confidentiality.

10. Drinking In a Public Setting Increases Your Odds for Sexual Encounters…and Abuse.

hangoverTeens need to know the risks involved with drinking when it comes to sexual activity. As much as we want them to wait until they’re older to drink and wait until they’re older to be sexually active, it’s important for them to know WHY these things are so risky. Their friends and peers are undoubtedly talking about it and some are already participating in these activities. Teach your daughter about drinking safety. She needs to understand that if she is inebriated, she will have a harder time protecting herself against boys who are willing to take advantage of her. She might feel inclined to make decisions that she wouldn’t normally feel comfortable with being sober, which will affect her emotionally later.

11. Abortion Is a Legal Option But It’s a Heavy Price to Pay

Make sure that your daughter fully comprehends what an abortion is and how it is done. Explain to her that while abortion is an option if you find yourself pregnant when you aren’t ready, it is also a decision that can have lasting emotional impact. She can avoid being in a position where she has to make this decision by practicing abstinence or by always using protection. This is why we stress the need to teach girls about birth control, even when your home promotes abstinence.

12. Help Her To Find a Safe Person To Talk To

. If your daughter has already had sex, then she is likely dealing with some of its repercussions like gossip, doubt and uncertainty. She might share this with you and she might not. If she does, express your gratitude for her willingness to open up to you and do your best to comfort and help her. If she doesn’t feel comfortable talking to you, help her find someone she does feel safe with. Talking through the complicated feelings that come from sex can help her to resolve the emotions she may be dealing with.

13. There is a Right Time for Her First Time

As human beings, we are created with the urge to mate. It’s proven science. Whatever your beliefs are, if we stress abstinence because sexually intamacy is sin outside of marriage, this can create a confusing message for hormonal teens. It leads to thinking that what they are feeling is wrong and bad. Instead of promoting healthy abstinence, we often see rebellion because they’re feeling conflicted between what you’re saying and what they’re feeling. Whatever your viewpoint on the matter, teach your teen that the desires they feel are good, natural, healthy desires but there IS a right time and a wrong time/ a right way and a wrong way to act on them. It could be that the right time is within marriage or the right time could be with a loving and committed partner. This is where your family values come into play.

14. Her Body is Worth Respecting

Our bodies are incredible things, capable of so much. But our physical abilities are tangled with emotions, fears, and vulnerabilities. Teach her to be careful with herself. As she learns more about who she is, her strengths and weaknesses, her desires and fears, she will grow in self confidence and self respect. Teach her to value herself and to be selective in who she shares her body with. She is the only human being with any rights to her body.

End your conversation with your daughter by expressing that she is worth waiting for. She should never have sex to boost her popularity, or because she has a boyfriend that is pressuring her. Anyone who truly cares about her will respect her and wait until she’s ready.

Although “the talk” is no one’s favorite conversation, after you’ve gone over these fourteen points with your daughter you will be surprised to notice feeling closer to her than you did before and you can rest easy knowing that your child is fully and properly educated on sex.

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